Please go away, you said. I just couldn’t do it, so you hold no responsibility over my fate. I’ve made my decision. There was nothing you could’ve done different. It was something I felt deep within, and not acting on those feelings would’ve betrayed us both. You owe me nothing. We were in an impossible situation, and for that I’m filled with sorrow.
Please go away, you demanded. I didn’t abandon you. I stayed by your side, loyal to you. I stood by you day in and day out. I ceded to your decisions. I helped with your struggles. I cried after you, and I flirted with you, even though you never gave me reason to, but those three words filled me with hope.
Please go away, you pleaded. It wasn’t possible. I was too far-gone. I couldn’t walk away, nor could I stay. Each time you said those three words, I thought I was closer to you. I believed in us, and your protestations were scraps of food to the proletariat. Your eyes told me what your words refused, and that filled me with desire.
Please go away, you whispered. I didn’t listen. Years we were together, but so far apart. I thought I had understood the game – our game. I’d been with others, but the jealousy you tried to hide was so obvious to me. You flirted, but it was only an attempt at levity; something you did to avoid a serious conversation. It was that levity that moved me forward against impossible odds, filled with your strength.
Please go away, you cried. I refused to understand. Our love was not possible. You were afraid of the light of my smile. There was a time when you believed in our future together. But you saw something I didn’t: We were simply incompatible. Our beliefs differed, and I thought that was an obstacle to overcome, but it was always there, poisoning you to me. That poison filled me with conflict.
Please go away, you would’ve yelled. I held your broken body in my arms. The look I so desired was gone from your eyes; only the abyss remained. Even in death, I could still hear those three words. You fell, and I’ll fall with you, because I know the words you said, but I also know the three little words that you really meant.