Yesterday I did ten things I love from a chain letter award Adan Ramie kicked my way. Today, the follow up ten things I dislike. Hate is such a powerful word, and there really is nothing that I truly hate. I’m reminded of a quote by Will Smith: “Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you, and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, ‘cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”
Anyway, on to ten things I dislike:
- Chain letter awards. I mean, I dislike chain letters. A chain letter disguised as an “award” is just as bad. I know some people think these sort of things are a way to show their support or whatever, but I’d rather have a comment on the blog, friendly email, or most importantly a positive review on Amazon. I guess I should channel Sam Sykes: buy my book!
- Assholes. This spans many hydra-like heads. From someone dissin’ someone else who’s not as skilled, pretty, eloquent, etc. I mentioned yesterday that I play M:tG. Well the Friday before Phoenix Comicon, I took Alyssa to play cards since I wasn’t taking her to PHXCC. A player at the shop was a true ‘D.’ After he defeated my nine year old several times, he started trash-talking her. I immediately challenged him to a match with one of my ‘professional’ decks and proceeded to defeat him two rounds to nothing. I destroyed him in the second turn the first game and the first turn the second. There’s just no reason to be an asshole.
- The U.S. government. If ever there was an entity that spent so much time and money to justify it’s own existence, it’s the federal government. As a self-employed artist, I pay the fed thirty percent of what I make selling my art. And for what? Social Security? Nope, they’ve been stealing that money and leaving IOUs they can’t even pay with my grandchildren’s taxes, let alone mine or my children. I better get off of this one before my blood pressure spikes, and just say that Tenacious D had it right: “The government totally sucks.”
- Politicians. These rich (mostly) white people seem to think they could possible know what it’s like to be a middle-aged working class (working class is the pretty label they give to us poor people) that they have any business representing me. Hell, the bastards don’t even have to pay postage. Could you imagine how many paper ARCs I could send out if I didn’t have to pay postage? And let’s not forget that they’re eligible for retirement after serving only one term. After thirty or forty years of workin’ for the man, I might be able to retire after I’m too old and decrepit to actually enjoy it. These sleezeballs spend MILLIONS of dollars to secure a job that only pays $120k a year.
- Posers. I’m quite happy with my station in life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a super popular writer with seven figure advances, but I’m cool with whom I am. I’m marginally good at the piano and guitar, but I realized I didn’t have the drive to do either of those professionally. Why do people feel the need to pretend to be something they’re not? And I’m not talking my favorite, “fake it ‘till you make it,” either. I’m talking about the people who tell you they’re an actor, but haven’t done anything since high school drama.
- Stolen Valor. My time in the NAVY was abysmal. I was a punk seventeen-year-old high school dropout, and ran my mouth. Lots of non-judicial punishments in my NAVY career. I didn’t earn a bunch of medals, but I’m still proud to have served. If you haven’t served, don’t say you did. Someone’s gonna find out and you will be exposed. More and more places are passing laws against stolen valor. Now I get embellishing your military history. No one wants to know that I pushed a broom for my entire NAVY career. But, where do these knuckleheads get off presenting themselves as war heroes when they spent their entire career behind a desk? Who’s to say an Army Ranger is any more or less a veteran than a Yeoman? I’ve seen stories about Veterans who had exemplary careers, but it just wasn’t enough. Really, it’s quite sad.
- Sprint/Nextel. Seriously, the worst cellular provider on the planet. Imagine every horror story you’ve ever heard about a cell phone provider. It’s cool, I’ll wait while you Google search or summon Beelzebub or something. All those horror stories? Yep, Sprint. Dropped calls, data that doesn’t, ya know, data. I even had one of these jerk wads extend my contract just to get them a bonus.
- When people don’t follow through. Few things bother me more than when someone agrees to do something, and they don’t follow through. I’d rather they had just said no in the first place. It saves everyone the trouble, and no hard feelings in the end. You love my work and promise to leave a review on Amazon? Why haven’t you done it? It’s been four months!
- Network News. Could there be any more morose a group of people so full of themselves? I got news for you people: You peddle in misery. You champion derision and hate. When you stop being pretty against some arbitrary standard, you will be replaced by someone younger, more handsome, and willing to barf the toxic “news” for less money. And don’t get me started on these “news” shows with their value-added programming. News isn’t supposed to be four fuckin’ hours long. Just dump that turd on me quickly so I can go to Snopes and disprove your fear mongering wrong. I feel dirty just thinking about these clowns.
- Word Crimes. Weird Al said it best in the song Word Crimes:
Compiling this list really angered me. I had to go eat chocolate and take a nap to return to my usual friendly, snarky self.